Now I’m sitting in the back of the car not sure what to make of my situation. At first I was semi excited and curious because I had never been in the back of a police car before. I’m enjoying the hard plastic seats and all the gadgets in the front seat. I get back out of the car when this other town car pulls up. Some short guy gets out screaming at me. He asks me “What happens when someone misses a stop sign because of your sticker? They crash, they die and they sue you and the radio station”

 

First of all, if they are dead they wouldn’t be the one suing me. Secondly if someone dies because a 5 inch sticker on a stop sign made them be confused by the message of the sign they deserve to die.

 

Cop tells me to get back in the car. I’m not cuffed or anything yet so I jump on the cell phone…call the station, tell them my story. Our resident thug Brett tells me I’ll get a promise to appear in court, get a ticket and they’ll send me on my way.

 

The short guy tells the cop to take me in. Cop starts patting me down and asks if I have any hidden weapons like grenades or knives. I tell him I have a bazooka in my pants. He gives me a not so amused look. I thought we were exchanging pleasantries, are there that many criminals walking around with grenades?

 

Now in cuffs, I’m invited to get in the back of the car. We’re off to jail when guess what station is on the radio? WCCC The Rock 106.9. Mother fucker.

 

I’ve never been arrested before, and despite our lame field trips in elementary school I have never been to a police station. We pull into a garage that is all white. It’s quite pretty. He slides his gun through a slot before he lets me out. Then I get dropped into a holding cell.

 

I neglected to mention that I had already made a call, via my cell phone, so the station knows all about me being arrested. So after about 45 minutes in the cell Brett shows up. He comes walking through the door with a big dumb grin on his face, until the cop opens the door to the holding cell. I get up to leave when he says “Nope, you sit down, you’re going in.”

 

Now Brett was arrested. Apparently because I told the cops that Brett was my boss, he would be arrested. I must not come off as a criminal mastermind.

 

Eventually Kernel comes down to get both of us. I was charged with breach of peace, conspiracy to commit criminal mischief and criminal mischief. Disturbing the peace…on a highway offramp. Right.  Brett was charged with ‘accessory to conspiracy to commit criminal mischief.’ How is that even a charge?

 

So I get home that night around 630. Since I got home after my parents, the trash cans had already been taken in. On top of getting arrested, I was killed for not taking in the garbage.

 

We ended up getting a lawyer through Clear Channel, and he was paid via a trip to the Bahamas. Remember that.

 

After several court appearances with our lawyer Jim, he tells us they will never drop the charges because apparently the week before I was arrested there was a big article in the Hartford Courant about all the stickers on signs in Manchester. Mmyeah. We’re going to be made an example.

 

Now, Clear Channel decided to foot the bill which was great, but I would have kept fighting the charges. They charged us to fix the signs and to replace them. Bastards.

 

So CC pays the fine, I think everything is hunky dory and my criminal past is behind me.

 

Until I get a letter saying there was a warrant for my arrest.

 

God dammit.